Slowdance
by Notebooked14
Summary: I love you, you know, I said thoughtfully while we swayed to the music, entirely focused on one another rather than the rhythm which our bodies refused to co-operate with. Bella & Jacob.


Slow dance.

"Jake..." I begin, but trail off. My train of thought is broken as soon as I glance up, into those all-too familiar brown eyes; reflecting the poorly-concealed sorrow lying there. He tried, though, to lessen my guilt. We both knew better. He attempts to wear a mask of emotionless stone, but it's his eyes that give him away. He struggles to compose himself under my scrutinizing stare. Suddenly, I felt tears. "Oh, Jake. I didn't want this."

His voice sounded surprisingly understanding. "I know, Bella." He reassured me, voice quiet. I wondered what he was thinking. "I know."

Pushing the hair out of my eyes, I wanted to say something - anything - to mend the situation. But was this even repairable? His heart was damaged. So was mine. I could wear a smile and cover myself in make-up and a stunning dress but nothing will ever heal the aching in my heart. Ever-present. A constant reminder of the awful I did. "Please, don't hate me."

To my shock, Jacob smiled wryly. It didn't extend to those devastated eyes, but it was still a gentle smile playing on his lips. I found myself nearly grinning, too. There was no humour lingering in the air. Just two desperate people trying to find closure. "I could never hate you, Bells. Sure, I could get incredibly ticked off. Sometimes I might get so annoyed I could kick a tree..." He chuckled. I felt it run through his body. "But never hate."

I knew he meant it. It was impossible to imagine Jacob harbouring resentment towards anybody... Well, nearly impossible. Some things would never change, and the ancient rivalry between werewolf and vampire was one which would never die. My werewolf, and my vampire. Why couldn't things just be simple?

"I love you, you know." I said thoughtfully while we swayed to the music, entirely focused on one another rather than the rhythm which our bodies refused to co-operate with. His hand felt so warm, wrapped around mine, clutching my frozen fingers. Jacob was always warm - my own sun, nearly blinding me with the light radiating from him. The light to my darkness. "Really. And I don't know what else to say, but... but that. I love you. So much, Jake. You have to know that."

The song ended, fading perfectly into another up-tempo number. We never stopped swaying.

"Me too," He said, sadly. He gave my hand a squeeze, with delicate force. He could've broken my hand if he didn't watch his remarkable strength. I was, after all, an easily breakable human. But I was capable of inflicting so much more pain that a fractured hand ever could. "Just not enough, is it? I just want you to be happy." He gestured to the odd scene around us. "If this is what you want, then I want that for you..."

I glanced at our surroundings. It should be what I wanted. But every heartbeat was tainted with regret. Was it, now? My future lay ahead, and for once it didn't hold that same irresistible appeal. My future was right in front of me. A future that doubts were emerging for. Was I doomed? With Jacob, I couldn't think properly. He had a habit of distracting me. He represented an entirely different future. One laced with happiness around ever corner, and smiles everyday.

I wouldn't have to change. We could live like this. Just Bella and Jacob, the best friends fated to fall for eachother - eventually. I could see it now, the portrait of an all-too tempting future. A square-like house in La Push, similiar to Billy's, and yes, I could see our Wedding photo hanging on the wall. Nothing looked forced. Who could imitiate such joy? I could see the faces of our friends, the green of the grass, the careless blue of the sky, our laughter. So clear.

"I'm not sure. I mean, I don't know. Not anymore. Oh, it's just happening too fast. I can't get a grasp on what's going on... I mean, maybe this isn't what I want." Panic set in. "I don't know, Jake!"

"You can walk away," He whispered, voice like silk in my ear. It was deep and authoritive, yet concerned and hopeful and heartbroken at the same time. My eyelids fell shut, creating a world where it was just me and him, and the beautiful words his beautiful voice formed. "Right now, if it's what you want. It can be that simple. I'll take you, I'll help in whatever way I can. You can come home with me, Bella, and we can be together... We'll never have to say goodbye again."

"Jake..."

"Bells."

"I can't. I love him."

A sharp intake of breath. I winced. His pain was divided, and I felt the crippling agony of my words. I couldn't bear hurting him. He'd already suffered enough. I wanted to make the boy in front of me happy. Of all the things in the world I could wish for, I wished for that. Poor Jacob. Why did he have to fall for misfortunate, undeserving Bella? Why did she have to fall right back?

"You love me too." He didn't utter the words defensively, angrily, or even with a hint of bitterness towards him. He said them grimly, as if it was a death sentence. We both knew how this would end. I wanted to delay the moment when he would have to leave - the thought of walking away was unbearable. Locked in such closeness, it was such a feeling of security and familiarity. He had to stay.

"Yes." It was a love that shouldn't exist, and it was a love that hurt us both. "How can't I? It's you, Jacob."

The dance stopped, but the music kept playing. "Jake, don't-" I began, but the words died on my tongue as he untangled himself out of my arms and stepped back. And in that moment, while he stood illuminated by the moonlight, shining through the thatch of trees, Jacob never looked more beautiful. I watched him, in my mud-splattered wedding dress.

"You look beautiful, Mrs Cullen." He whispered, voice breaking on the last word. He then turned and disappeared into the darkness.

And with him he took the sun.


End file.
